Shaking Hands

As a teacher, I have the opportunity to shake hands with both confident and nervous young people. Over the last few years I’ve noticed a trend in handshakes that I believe is an issue when students interview for jobs or meet with clients.

A handshake is a way of saying, “It’s great to meet you,” or, “It’s great to see you.” We say and show this with a level of enthusiasm and earnestness. If you don’t know how to shake hands with someone, you are saying, “I can’t do this, I can’t do this, I can’t do this.” In years past, students attempted to show their total strength by grasping a hand and squeezing like crazy. That muscle approach doesn’t work, however, neither does what I call the duck approach.

Take just a minute, right now, as you read this. With your right hand move your thumb and fingers together and apart, and as you do so, say or think, “quack quack quack quack”, as though you were showing a small child your hand as a duck puppet. That fun, duck or crab, quack is not the stuff careers are made of.

Here are a few things to consider:

• You want to meet/greet the person. Let a smile or welcome in your eyes. Make eye contact and think about how nice it is to get to greet and interact with interesting people. If your mind is thinking these words, rather than fear or nervousness, your eyes and body language will follow.
• Typically you’ll both stand for the handshake, even if one of you or both need to lean over a chair, desk, or table to shake. Standing is respectful, however, it’s even more about the awkwardness of getting it right while sitting; especially if you’re at different heights or crossing a piece of furniture.
• Think about giving someone a handshake, not a finger shake. Your hand will shake their hand, rather than your fingers will quack their hand. Your hand goes in for a match to theirs, the skin between your thumb and forefinger will match up to theirs. This is a full handshake.
• Gauge the strength of your handshake on theirs. Women… sometimes a man will begin a light shake. This isn’t so that you don’t shake back: it’s to offer you the opportunity to determine the shake. Shake back purposefully, as though you are picking up your handbag or a grocery bag; be yourself, be purposeful. Your fingers don’t stay straight. Your whole hand is in the shake, confirming your interest in meeting.
• Handshakes go up and down, typically 2-3 times. Sometimes if you don’t make eye contact, the other person will keep shaking until you do. They want to make a connection with you. It’s not an intimidation contest; the best handshakes emanate from people who really like to engage with others. You’ll be able to naturally gauge when the handshake is over, your intuition will kick in, don’t over think it.
• Sometimes you’ll see people reach over with their free hand and place it on top of the shake. This is okay when you’re with people that you’re handshaking who you’d really like to hug instead. It’s an indicator that you’re friends beyond the handshake. If it happens in a job environment, then that person may be older and is offering kind words, if it’s a person who is interviewing you or who is not older, then it’s a bit off-putting. The person probably considers it something to do with personal style, with showing themselves as kind. You see politicians do it on television when they’re showing themselves as super-super-caring. Don’t do it to impress, don’t worry if it seems natural and you find both of your hands are in the handshake.

End the handshake with a smile. After all, it really is great to get to meet you or to see you again.